- DeliaLHT

A farting blog.

Monday, October 18, 2010, Monday, October 18, 2010

Yes, Today's post is about farts.
Read at your own risk. It's bare, raw and obscene, just how you chee ko peks out there like it.
WARNING: May decrease your IQ.

The reason why i had the audacity to blog about something so gross was actually cultivated over the past couple of days. Due to my irritatingly low immune system, i have been sick for i don't know how freaking long. I DON'T KNOW WHY, the chinese medicine my mum gave me a shit load of (no pun intended) gas. THUS, I have been "poot-ing" ever since the EOYs.

Since i'm so "熟" with my friends in school, I haven't really been chided or made fun of for letting go of my gas. In fact, we all ended up joking about it. HOWEVER. Just this earlier this afternoon, I was on the bus on the way back home after lunching at vivo with Adrienne, Potassium Hydroxide (KOH), and ching. I guarantee plus chop you the authenticity of the following sentence. I farted so loud, i could hear it even though i was blasting my ipod.

AWKWARD TURTLEEEEE.
OHMYGOODNESS. I WAS LEANING AGAINST THE WHEELCHAIR BACKING THINGY AND I COULDNT SEE THE PEOPLE SEATED AT THE BACK. I BET THEY WERE LAUGHING LA. NO ONE INFRONT OF ME MOVED. I WAS PRAYING THEY DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING BUT THE CHANCES OF THAT IS LIKE .... 1 TO 1 BILLION SINCE IS WAS SO FREAKING LOUD. OMGOMGOMG. I WAS LIKE FREAKING OUT.

Ahhh, but i got over it! After panicking for like 5 minutes, i started giggling to myself. The people in the bus must think i'm a complete luny. Then i just got very indifferent about it. "Ayah who cares lah!" Then i just scurried off when the bus arrived at my stop. I told my some of my friends about it and they are all like,

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? YOU SHUN ME BECAUSE I FART. WELL, HELLO MISS/MISTER. YOU DON'T FART MEH. The last time i actually LISTENED to my mama's nags, she clearly stated that farting was good for your body.

I took the liberty of looking up the cause of farting.
"Foods which contain insoluble fibre such as cabbage, beans and cauliflower, take longer to digest and will therefore produce more wind. Any food containing carbohydrates will also cause flatulence to varying degrees. The most common cause for flatulence is swallowing air as every time that we swallow, air is taken into our stomach. By gulping drinks or eating too fast, more air is swallowed. Often this air is released as a belch, but if the air passes into the intestines, it will be released as a fart."

"DISGUSTING LA DELIA."
"SHUTUP LA OBSCENE."
Farting is NOT disgusting and obscene. As stated above, It is a NATURAL process of which air/Flatublahblahblah is release via your butt. NATURAL. What does that word tell you? It means, if you don't do it, you should really see a doctor about that you know... It could be pretty serious... ANYWAY. It's just an unpleasant smell! It will be over before you know it. Don't be a bimbo and go all like "OMGOMGOMG. She TOTALLY let go!! Omgomgomg, gross ttm man!! Talk to the hand girl!" Bring air freshener and hang it on your nose or something. I bet you won't like it when someone else mocks you for pooting. Seriously? Which is more obscene? A short period of smelly welly from your belly or exploding from the accumulated gas in your body (exaggeration). NATURAL MAN. It's like being grossed out by BREATHING. BE A MAN. DO THE RIGHT THING. Ahh, which brings me to my next point.

"GROSSSS. OMG. YOU'RE SUCH A GUY"
"STOP IT OMG, YOU VERY UNCOUTH LEH."
Farting is NOT uncouth! Even high-class tai tais fart okay.
Farting is NOT only "done" by guys. Oh gosh, Really? The next thing you guys are going to tell is that only guys have pit hair. GROW UP. Who says feminine girls don't fart? I certainly fart (more than usual.. as stated as above...) but i still wear pretty skirts and like girly stuff. Puh-lease, there's a difference between being feminine and being a scheming little (Insert insulting word here) who lies her butt off in order to give others the delusion that they are innocent and all that other bull. Like freaking Xie Ming Ming from "爱" before she married Hong Jian Zhong. I bet, before she got married to him, she will blame someone else for farting man. (No link \--/ ftw)
Okay okay okay, back to the point. I think guys should find it more attractive for a girl to fart and actually have to guts to admit it rather then hide in a freaking hole and cry yourself to sleep. (Still no link wth!) 21 century people!!
Edit: Someone said that it's uncouth thus girls do it quietly. Farts come in different intensities and lengths. Unfortunately, these variables cannot be controlled. We won't even know about the variables until the fart leaves the butt. So there you go, it is impossible to fart quietly almost everytime. You think i so free fart so loudly in public ah?


Okay.. I actually lost my train of thought after bullshitting for so long... HAHAHA. Guess all i am trying to say is that, we should embrace farting as a daily routine and accept it in our society. The next time you hear someone fart, don't grimace or snicker! Give them a pat on the back and say "Hey pal, Good job."




Ohmygosh, That was completely stupid/useless/retarded and a waste of time and internet space. Still, it was blooooooooooody fun.